Critical friendship is an intriguing concept. The term appears in many books and articles about research and about collaborative learning. However, it has rarely been defined clearly. It is my aim to define it more precisely so that we set it apart from concepts like collegial consultation and helpfulness. I will do this by presenting a few ‘frequently asked questions’ (FAQ), which will give us sufficient room to be playful, serious and provocative. In this way the discussion around the concept of ‘critical friend’ and its precise meaning can continue in a vivid and constructive manner. I invite you to write a response to my question below.
Critical friendship is complex. In one of his essays (chapter I-28) the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) describes friendship as ‘the domain of like-minded desires’. In his view, the main duties of a friend are to warn us and reprimand if necessary. This, then, is what I expect from my readers and I would really appreciate your comments.
Can anyone be a critical friend?
I believe that being a “critical friend” requires a special talent. Not everyone can do it. Indeed, real friends are often the worst at being truly critical, and I disagree with Montaigne regarding the main duty of friends (Montaigne was a rather special individual!)
The problem with criticism is that it is never wholly free from bias, which is one reason why the “criticised” should never take the “criticism” too much to heart. We all have our own agendas, preferences, likes and dislikes. The best critical friends take steps to prevent these having too much influence on the process; but they also accept their existence. It’s a tricky thing to do, and has to be handled carefully, which is why I’m always a little nervous about developmental practices such as peer observation. I’ve seen it lead to serious falling outs when not treated with the care and attention it requires (in other words, when it’s seen as a cheap solution to teacher development).
Like Mark, I feel MM’s definition of friendship is too narrowly focused. If you consider your own friends for a moment, or how you act as a friend to others, you will quickly see my point – they offer companionship, warmth, support, an occasional home, understanding, loyalty, and sometimes love. In other situations they offer criticism, warning and downright disagreement without holding back the punches.
Additionally, I agree that not every friend is able to be all of these all of the time. Nor is assuming the role of ‘critical friend’ a simple matter. Many lack the skills to balance genuine criticism against unquestioning support. For this, one has only to watch ‘friends’ allowing others to act irresponsibly and even dangerouly.
What I would add is that the role of ‘critical friend’ tends to happen when one is invited to be such, when one’s opinions are highly regarded by the other person or the population at large, or when one has earned such a role after proving oneself over time as a ‘regular friend.’
Is critical friendship necessary? That depends on the individual. Some of us are good at self-criticism, so having an additional external source might not be appreciated in this circumstance. However, the differing insights and perspectives such a friendship offers, provide the opportunity to take us out and beyond our own limiting views.
Is critical friendship desired? The answer to this will determine whether or not it will happen. Imposing such a friendship may not have the results desired, and could lead to a violent physical response. That is where a combination of diplomacy, a preparedness to receive criticism back in return, and a genuinely caring attitude will enoucrage the process.
So, Barbara, to answer your initial question, in my opinion not everyone can be a critical friend, but they could do worse than learn the skills for becoming one.
Greg, I totally agree with you about the level of skill varying from person to person.
Often, the objective of the critical relationship is never achieved, either because the criticism given is perceived as too harsh or too weak.
Also, if we are inclined to seek out critical friends who share our own world view, can this ever lead to any real change? Don’t you think that critical friendship is more likely to lead to reinforcement of previously-held beliefs?